


Into the Unknown

by Praxis51



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bipolar Keith, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Quintessence Sensitive Keith (Voltron), Shiro Chronic Illness, only time will tell, which one is it?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23479645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Praxis51/pseuds/Praxis51
Summary: Keith’s always been different. Keith’s dad told him he was ‘special’. Everyone else just called him ‘crazy’. Shiro was the only person who ever seemed to understand him.But now Shiro’s gone, and Keith is left with nothing. That is, until Keith starts feeling like something in the desert is giving him a reason to carry on. Is it all in his head, or is there more here than can be explained?A look at what Keith did while Shiro faced off the Galra, and how he might have dealt with Shiro’s death, Lion carvings, and an expected arrival from outer space.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	Into the Unknown

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Y'all! This is my first fic in literal years and I'm so happy to be getting back into it. This work may be controversial to some as it deals with ONE type of interpretation of a serious mental illness. I have bipolar 1 and this headcanon is one way I cope. The diagnosis is different with everyone. There is no one size fits all journey. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Kudos and comments appreciated! Stay safe and stay home if you can in light of Corona.

_“Kogane!”_

Keith doesn’t think. He just runs. He knows if he stops running then he’ll have to think about what he’s just done. The pain in his right hand serves as a throbbing reminder but he’s trying to ignore that. He can’t think about the fact that he just decked his superior officer in the face, can’t think about the fact that he just threw his entire future away. All because he got upset over Iverson saying they should learn from Shiro’s mistakes. As if Shiro isn’t the best pilot the Garrison has ever seen. 

_Was_ , his mind whispers. Was the best pilot. But Keith can’t think about Shiro and the past tense right now. He can do that when he’s not being chased by Garrison security. He runs to the garage where Shiro’s hoverbike is parked. Shiro gave him the keys before he left, in case Keith ever wanted to take a joyride. Or if, god forbid, something happened to Shiro. Except God allowed the worst to happen and now Keith questions whether there’s an Almighty at all. 

How could a God be loving and merciful and yet strike down Shiro, who was practically an angel on Earth? 

Within minutes, Keith is speeding away from Garrison and all of his childhood dreams. Now, he has nothing. All because his grief transformed into rage and Iverson was just the closest target. But Keith knows that he would have broken down eventually. How could he stay at the Garrison, where memories of Shiro would assault him at every corner? Where the comparisons would be constant? Where Shiro’s failure would only propel Keith and his own prowess further into the limelight? No, Keith couldn’t bear it

For a good hour Keith just drives, with no sense of where he’s going. It’s not until a small dilapidated shack appears on the horizon that Keith realizes he’s been heading to _their_ place. They had found it just a few months ago, right before Keith’s second year at the Garrison. Shiro had been ecstatic, saying they now had a place to go when the stresses of the Garrison and all the expectations that came with it got to be too much. They had spent countless nights there, watching the stars ahead and hoping to one day fly among them. 

Keith debates for a moment on whether or not he should keep going. Just fly into the desert and let it swallow him whole. It sounds poetic. He was born in the desert and to the desert he would return. But in reality, it just means a drawn out painful death brought on by heat stroke or dehydration. Not that Keith’s afraid of death. With no future, no _Shiro_ it’s looking more and more appealing with every passing minute. But if he decides to finally take that plunge, there’s always his mother’s knife. At least it would be quick. 

But his survival instincts have been too finely honed for him to just roll over and give up now. Even when he desperately wants to. So he makes his way towards the shack and parks the hoverbike outside.

The shack doesn’t look in good shape but it’s hanging in there, mostly thanks to the simple repairs Shiro and Keith had made over time. The front door squeaks as Keith enters the shack. Shiro planned on fixing that when he got back. 

Not that he is ever coming back. 

Keith pushes the thought away and focuses on what’s in front of him. The inside of the place is much nicer than the outside. Shiro had insisted on getting a few furnishings to make the place feel like a “home away from home”. Keith’s lips quirk into a shadow of a smile remembering the goofy expression that Shiro’s face would always take on saying that corny phrase. But Keith frowns again just as quickly when he remembers that he’s never seeing that expression again. 

Now that he’s far far away from the Garrison and any possible consequences, he finally has time to think. Which is the last thing he wants. He doesn’t want to think. He just wants to be distracted. Coming here was a mistake. The whole place is a memorial to Shiro and their past. All the time they spent here laughing among the stars, getting to know each other in late-night conversations that would sometimes last until the sun was coming back up over the horizon. But Keith has nowhere else to go. And if he’s honest, he doesn’t want to leave Shiro’s ghost behind just yet. If ever. 

Keith hasn’t been out here since Shiro was still on Earth six months ago. So dust has started to accumulate. He can start there. If Keith remembers correctly, there should be cleaning supplies in the closet in the bedroom.

Sure enough, the broom and mop are just where Shiro left them. For a moment, Keith’s almost afraid to touch them, as if by picking them up he’ll be erasing the imprint that Shiro left on them. Which is just plain ridiculous. 

It takes Keith only about an hour to clean the shack since it’s such a small space but he’s still grateful for that hour. Any time where he doesn’t think about Shiro and _‘Pilot Error’_ is a gift. But all too soon, he’s scrubbing furiously at spots that no longer exist and he has to admit that the place can’t possibly get anymore spotless without a serious remodel.

With a growl, he throws down the rag he was using to dust the table and gets up off his knees. He feels jittery. He has too much anxious energy, with adrenaline still left over from his race from the Garrison. So he starts to pace. But there’s too little room in the crowded shack. Usually when he’s worked up like this he meditates but he worries that this time it won’t work. Because ever since Keith saw ‘Pilot Error’ plastered across a TV screen every time he closes his eyes he just imagines all the different ways Shiro could have met his death. Was it in a fiery explosion, everything being destroyed by a single blast of white light? Or was it silent, in the way only space can be? Did Shiro think about Keith? Did he know how much he meant to the younger cadet? 

Of course not. Keith had made sure of that.

And now Keith will never get another chance with Shiro. Not that he cares about that, not really. It’s more the fact that he’ll never see Shiro’s smile again, never hear his laugh. The one person left in Keith’s life who hadn’t abandoned him has been stripped away anyway. That is just Keith’s fucking luck. 

Keith feels a wave of shame at that. This isn’t about him. This is about _Shiro_. How can Keith even be thinking of himself when his best friend, the person closest to him in the world, has died? That bright future the Garrison always boasted about, stripped away in a second.

Suddenly, Keith is brought out of his thoughts by the feeling of something wet dripping down his face. Keith wipes away the moisture from his face, realizing belatedly that he’s crying. It makes sense. Crying is the typical way people grieved. 

Keith wishes he had started crying earlier. Back when he was at the Garrison would have been ideal. A little embarrassing maybe but then he wouldn’t have decked Iverson and thrown his entire career away. His fists clench as he remembers Iverson’s exact words, _“Sometimes this is what happens in our field of work. The best you can do is learn from Shirogane’s mistakes. That’s what he would have wanted.”_ Iverson had said those words so easily. As if losing Shiro was just par for the course. As if it wouldn’t have rocked Keith down to his very core. Iverson saw Shiro as something expendable, and Keith just couldn’t take it. So he took it out on Iverson.

The more Keith thinks about it, the harder he cries. Before he knows it, he’s covering his mouth with his hands in an effort to quiet his sobs. Not that it matters. He’s miles from the Garrison, and the closest neighboring town is even further away. Suddenly, Shiro’s death is really hitting him, and hitting him hard. His sobs get louder and louder until he’s practically screaming. It sounds like he’s dying, which is fitting since he can’t imagine how he’s going to go on without Shiro. After what could be minutes or what could be hours, Keith quiets down until his screams become small hiccups. He’s tired but he doesn’t want to sleep. He’s afraid of what he’ll see. Or worse, he’s afraid of what he’ll remember only to wake up and find it all to be gone. So he props himself up against the couch. 

_You shouldn’t be doing this. You know the risks,_ says a voice in his head that sounds a lot like Shiro. Keith wonders for a moment if it would really be so bad this time. For all it can be terrifying, mania can be quite the high. And that may be exactly what he needs. A way to get away from it. To just float away, to a place where things like death are temporary and worldly concerns like how he’s going to find his next meal don’t even phase him. So Keith stays awake. And waits for the first signs of over-saturated bliss and excitement to wash over him in waves.


End file.
